


Just Like That

by moonlitgurll



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU where Kenma doesn't play volleyball, Angst, M/M, Sad, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26643130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitgurll/pseuds/moonlitgurll
Summary: The feeling of the yellow and blue ball bouncing against his fingertips reminded him of practice with Kuroo in his backyard.The sound of his set being spiked down reminded him of the dorky grin Kuroo would have when they were kids.“Whew! You’re a good setter!” the spiker grinned, waves of satisfaction emanating from him.Kuroo used to say that.AU where Kenma never played volleyball and instead just supported Kuroo & Nekoma from the sidelines.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou





	Just Like That

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, thanks for reading this. I cried way too much writing this so it's kind of shit. It hasn't been edited yet, so there might be errors within the text.

The sound of shoes squeaking on the court and the sound of the ball smacking against the court was enough to make Kenma turn around. 

_Why am I here?_ The small black-haired boy wondered to himself, pausing in front of the gymnasium’s entrance. His phone chimed in his pocket, the notification sound of the new game he downloaded. That’s right, he had other things to do instead of play volleyball, kenma decided. So he turned around and collided into the chest of another man. 

“Oh, sorry!” he apologised, pulling away from Kenma and making sure he was alright. 

“It’s okay,” Kenma quietly said, trying to get away from the gym as quickly as possible. It was a bad idea to come here. 

“I don’t recognise you, are you a new player? I’m Higashi Ritsuka, the club leader!” he held his hand out with a grin. Too cheerful, too enthusiastic. Kenma couldn’t say no.

“I just came here to watch, if that’s alright with you.” 

The leader tilted his head, probably wondering why some person would want to watch a college recreational volleyball team practice. 

“Be my guest, but if you ever feel like playing don’t hesitate to let me know!” the captain smiled again before sauntering off to join the other players on the court. Kenma walked into the gym and headed for the sidelines. The signature yellow and blue of Mikasa balls bounced in front of him.   
  
_Those were Kuroo's favourite..._ Kenma thought fondly, picking it up as it stopped to roll in front of the boy. 

“Sorry about that,” someone said, running up. It was Higashi again. Kenma picked the ball up and handed it back to the man, the familiar leather stinging his palms. 

“So you use Mikasa hm?” Kenma commented without realising he said it aloud. 

“I actually prefer Molten, but more people here prefer Mikasa so we bought those instead. You’re surprisingly knowledgable about volleyball though, are you sure you don’t want to play?” 

“... No thank you. I’ve never played volleyball before. I just know about it because my best friend was a volleyball player in high school.” 

“Oh really? What school?”

“Nekoma.”

“Wow, that’s a good school! You should invite your friend to come and play sometime! I’d love to see a powerhouse player play.” the club leader grinned. 

_Ah, how do I tell him?_

“He passed away a year ago.” Silence.   
  


_Not like that you moron._

“A-ah, I see. Well, feel free to watch as much as you want… And uh, let me know if you feel like playing.”

The club leader walked away but not after shooting Kenma a pitying look. Kenma walked up to a bench on the side and sat down, motionlessly watching the people play. 

_Ah, this sucks._

* * *

“Kenma! There are volleyball tryouts today, come and try out!” Kuroo clapped a hand against his shoulder. 

“Kuroo, I’ve told you already, I don’t want to play volleyball.” Kenma brushed his friend’s hand off before returning it to his PSP. 

“Oh come on! It’s my last year of high school can’t you just play for me? You know all the basics already, you could even become a setter!” Kuroo placed a hand atop Kenma’s dyed head. Kenma frowned, ducking his head away from the hand. His eyes stayed glued on the video game he was currently playing.

“I prefer watching.” a simple answer. Kuroo didn’t push him any further. 

“But that means you better come to every game that I play in, got it?” 

“I already do that, Kuroo.” 

“Then come to my practices too?” 

“I’m not allowed to.” 

“I’m the captain now, so I give you permission!” 

“... We’ll see.” 

* * *

After his college classes, Kenma found himself standing in front of the recreational volleyball gymnasium again, hesitating.

_I shouldn’t be here… I have so much reading to do from Professor Takahashi…_

“Oh! You’re back? Here to watch again? Or maybe you want to play?” 

It was the club leader. Kenma sighed. 

“I’m just here to watch again.” 

“Well come on in. We’re not a professional team though, everyone here just plays for fun so we aren’t that exciting to watch.” 

_It’s the having fun part that I like watching._

Kuroo had the same smiles as the recreational team did whenever they scored a point, blocked a ball, or received a nasty serve. It was that smile that almost convinced Kenma to play volleyball. Almost. 

Kenma preferred watching, analysing the playing field. But mostly he enjoyed seeing Kuroo have fun. When Kuroo was having fun, so was Kenma. At least that’s how Kenma felt. 

Sometimes he’d wonder why they were even friends. 

“Huh? What do you mean?” Kuroo asked, making a face. 

“I mean… You’re the captain of the volleyball team and number one ranked in the science department in the school. People think you’ll play for the national Japanese team when you’re in university and you already have a full-ride scholarship offer for one... And I’m… Just Kenma.” 

“Yeah, well suck it up ‘Just Kenma’. You’re my friend so you’re gonna have to deal with the fact that I’m amazing.” Kuroo grinned, jabbing Kenma in the shoulder. Kenma let a small smile ghost his face. 

“You’re going to be late for practice, captain.” 

“Oh shit! See you after practice Kenma!” the third year ran off, leaving Kenma there in his shadow. 

_Yeah, I guess I don’t mind being someone’s shadow, as long as I’m your shadow._

Kuroo was the first person that understood Kenma after all. Weird quiet Kenma with big eyes and hair like a girl suddenly became “Kuroo’s best friend”. And Kenma was proud to have that title. 

“Kuroo, I’ll come to watch today,” Kenma called, running after him. The smile that appeared on his face was blinding. 

“Okay!”

* * *

It happened so suddenly that Kenma couldn’t process it. One moment he was standing next to him, Kuroo ruffling his dyed hair and Kenma teasing him relentlessly about something or the other.   
  


Kuroo | 13:42

> I’m on my way now! Stopping at a convenience store to pick up some snacks. Do you want anything?

Kenma | 13:42

> No

Kuroo | 13:43

> Goldfish crackers it is :D

_  
He’s late…_ Kenma thought as he looked at the time displayed on his PSP. Kuroo was surprisingly punctual when it came to Kenma, but yet for some reason, he was late.

_Well, maybe the convenience store was crowded._

Kenma waited 10 minutes, then 30, then an hour, before getting annoyed and checking his phone. 

No miss calls, no unread text messages. 

“Kenma, dear…” his mom came to the door. His mom walked to the TV and switched on the news channel. 

“Mom seriously stop trying to get me to watch the news—”

  
“Breaking News, a truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and swerved onto the sidewalk. Currently, there are five casualties with major injuries, and one confirmed death.” 

_No._

Kenma stared at the TV screen, his PSP dropping onto his lap. Dread filled him.

_No._

The cameraman zoomed into the pavement. Goldfish crackers littered the asphalt. 

_Oh my fucking God._

* * *

Kenma didn't come to the funeral. He stayed home and played video games, getting stuck on that same boss over and over again. His fingers mashed buttons frustratingly.

[Looks like you don't have enough empathy points to trigger this boss stage! Go back and try collecting more!]

Empathy points? Who needs those? It's just a stupid game. 

Yaku | 10:40

> Kenma where are you? They want you to say a few words

Kenma | 10:40

> I’m at home. 

_Words? What the hell did they want me to say?_

He didn’t cry all throughout his third year of high school. He couldn't cry. 

“Kuroo wouldn’t want me to cry for him,” Kenma told Akaashi. Akaashi shook his head. 

“No Kenma. You're the one that doesn't want to let him go.” 

* * *

Again, a Mikasa ball rolled at his feet after an off bump by one of the club members. Kenma picked it up to return it, but the leather felt soft this time. The black-haired boy discarded his jacket and placed his bag down on the bench. 

“Actually, can I join you?”

  
The feeling of the yellow and blue ball bouncing against his fingertips reminded him of practice with Kuroo in his backyard.

The sound of his set being spiked down reminded him of the dorky grin Kuroo would have when they were kids.

“Whew! You’re a good setter!” the spiker grinned, waves of satisfaction emanating from him. 

Kuroo used to say that.

* * *

_Hi. Thank you for coming to this funeral. Kuroo… He was my best friend. I rarely said it but, he was basically a brother to me. He had everything. He was athletic and smart and had a good heart. Kuroo was everything. He was and still is a role model to so many people, including me._

_Words? What the hell was he supposed to say?_

The feeling of the ball against his fingers.   
  


“Kenma! There are volleyball tryouts today, come and try out!”

“Oh come on! It’s my last year of high school can’t you just play for me?

_  
He’s right. I could’ve played for him._

“Kenma! Look! I got a scholarship offer for university! Full ride! I don’t have to worry about finances anymore!”

_  
He had everything. He was everything._

“Kenma! The U-19 team invited me to tryout…! I might become a representative! Isn’t that great?”

* * *

He didn’t cry all throughout his third year of high school. He couldn't cry. 

“Kuroo wouldn’t want me to cry for him,” Kenma told Akaashi. Akaashi shook his head. 

“No Kenma. You’re the one that doesn't want to let him go.” 

* * *

“Whoo! That was the best we’ve played in a while! You’re amazing, Kozume-san!” the captain grinned, wiping the sweat from his brow. 

“Kenma. Call me Kenma, please.”

“Can I bring a ball back to my dorm?”

“Oh, yeah totally! Just make sure you make note of it on the sign-out sheet.”

* * *

_Words? What the hell was he supposed to say?_

Kenma borrowed a ball from the club and took it back to his dorm. It was quiet. Empty. Kenma didn’t have a roommate, he didn’t want one. He was introverted like that. 

_“Kenma! We should totally room together at university!”_

_“Only if I get in, Kuroo.”_

_“You will, you’re smart, Kenma.”_

“But you were so much smarter, idiot,” Kenma whispered, clutching the ball between his arms. And finally, finally….

He cried. After two years of holding back, the dam broke and Kenma let it all out. Uncharacteristic screams of anguish broke free from his lips as he finally, finally mourned the loss of his best friend. 

_What the hell was he supposed to say?_

_Hi. Thank you for coming to this funeral. Kuroo… He was my best friend. I rarely said it but, he was basically a brother to me. He had everything. He was athletic and smart and had a good heart. Kuroo was everything. He was and still is a role model to so many people, including me._

“And if I could trade my life for him, I would,” Kenma whispered brokenly to the ball that sat on his bed. Kuroo had his whole life ahead of him, so why? 

“Why did you have to die?” 

* * *

“Oh, Kenma! Welcome back! You here to just watch or maybe you want to play again?” The club leader greeted him with a smile. Kenma pulled out Kuroo’s kneepads from the bag he brought and turned to the captain. 

“I think I’ll play today.” 

**Author's Note:**

> //sobs  
> why do I do this to myself?


End file.
